Everything is less glamorous than it seems.

And how performances rule the world.

If you prefer to see a shorter form of this post - just check these slides I did on this same topic.

Intro

So, one common phrase I see myself repeating time and time again is “Everything is less glamorous than it seems.” I find it to be true across virtually all aspects of life - jobs, relationships, stories people tell, etc.

The most obvious and archetypical case of this is social media. It's no secret that it can be a breeding ground for false narratives and exaggerated portrayals of reality. We've all seen the Instagram influencers who present a seemingly perfect life, filled with exotic vacations and designer clothing. We've also seen the LinkedIn profiles of people who seem to have it all together, with a string of impressive job titles and accomplishments.

But the truth is that these perfectly curated images are often just that: perfectly curated. They don't necessarily reflect the reality of the person's life. Rather, when you look under the cover and actually get to the substance of this, you find that actually there is a whole lot more of shit-shovelling and just less glamour altogether. That’s why new social media apps like BeReal or podcast episodes like Shia LaBeouf on Real Ones are breaths of fresh air.

Side note: This episode of Shia LaBeouf where he, a super famed actor, opens up about his past rough couple of years (w/ substance abuse and violence allegations) is so fucking good. He just keeps it 100% all throughout and does no effort in making stuff seem rosey and performative + couples it with immaculate public speaking and engagingness. One of the best content pieces I saw in 2022.

So, my central thesis, is that much of what people do is running performances for others. They aren’t being real and intentional, but rather performative and phony.

The Why

So why is this the case? Why are people so performative and intentful on making stuff seem more glamorous than it seems?

Some of the most interesting explanations actually lie on our biological wiring.

One theory is that it is related to evolutionary psychology and the concept of "mate value." Essentially, people may engage in performative behavior in order to increase their perceived value as a potential mate. This could involve presenting an idealized version of themselves in order to attract a partner, or even just to impress others in their social group. And it is still present in everyday animal life. Concrete examples of this are:

1. Social grooming by monkeys - i.e. the act of taking parasites and dirt off the hair of other animals.
   Perceived goal: Actually ridding primates of dirt and bugs.

   Real goal: Reaffirming alliances with each other.

   Why? Primates that have more dirt or bigger backs don’t groom each other longer. Rather, time per grooming is correlated with the size of the group.

2. Babbler birds that stay in higher branches and when they see a primate they will yell to notify other birds + they will give food to other birds.

   Perceived goal: Helping the other birds

   Real goal: Status hierarchy.

   Why? Birds will fight to be on the top of a branches and they will stuff food inside other birds even if they don’t want it.

Again, all of these are pure performances which have a completely different goal to that which appears at a surface level.

Another possible biological explanation is that performative behaviour is related to the brain's reward system. Engaging in behaviours that are perceived as socially desirable or successful may release dopamine and other neurotransmitters in the brain, leading to feelings of pleasure and satisfaction. This could motivate people to continue engaging in performative behaviour in order to experience these rewards.

Lastly, there are also cultural and societal factors that contribute to performative behaviour. In some societies, there is a greater emphasis placed on success and achievement, and through mimetic desire, i.e. humans wanting what other humans want, people are led to present a more glamorous image of themselves in order to fit in or stand out.

However, one might question why is this performative behaviour not shut down by the target of it, i.e. the people on the receiving end of it.

And honestly the answer seems very boring - humans just don’t like to create uncomfortable situations + they like to belong to groups + and, again, people are not always honest and real, meaning that when a performer is called out he might very well just enter another performance whereby he says he was not performing.

Implications

The principal implications of this are two-fold: you should take a much more cynical view of people’s descriptions of their life, especially when you meet them on a surface-level; people waste a lot of time and energy on this endeavour.

With this in mind, to me there are 2 clear steps to be taken once we realize the above - on one hand, on a personal and human level, people should strive to really be authentic, honest and real.

I personally challenge everyone reading this to try to be much more critical of this, point out performances when they exist and never participate in them.

And on the other hand, on a meta, group-level, one needs to absolutely cultivate a culture of “no bullshit” and openness. This might seem cliché but it really is not. Once you realize in the world the amount of time and energy that humans and groups dispense in this, you’ll understand the massive comparative advantage you’ll have by just deleting this.

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool – Richard Feynman.

One question I’m still trying to figure out is if some performances are justified or not. Think dating, job hunting, etc. I tend to think they aren’t but still